Online or in Person
Do you feel life could be better than it is?
Talking to an objective and professionally-trained outsider can help to untangle thoughts and feelings and gain a clearer perspective and sense of priorities.
Sometimes family and friends want to help but can be too emotionally involved to be able to stand back and help you reach the decisions that are best for you. Some people feel they have already burdened their friends and family enough with their problems. Others may feel there isn't anyone who really understands them or what they are feeling.
If the way you are feeling is affecting your relationships, work, sleeping or the things you love to do in life, therapy may provide the key. Integrative therapy helps you better understand your true motivations and needs, as well as discovering better ways to fulfil them.
Therapy seeks to enhance self-awareness and the reasons for some of the assumptions we make. This brings better understanding about the impact our words, feelings and actions have on others. Therapy gives the opportunity to see and try things in a new and more positive way.
Are You Experiencing...
- low self-esteem
- trouble carrying through plans
- loss of inspiration
- recurring thoughts that just won't go away
- relationship and intimacy problems
- lack of purpose
- anxiety and persistent worry
- difficulty controlling anger
- phobias and compulsions
- negative and self-defeating beliefs
- grief, loss and bereavement
- life cycle changes
- or simply that you feel life could be more fulfilling than it is?
My goal is to help you:
- realise your creative potential
- build an inner resource of vibrancy for life
- develop your sense of self
- improve genuine self-confidence
- gain an increasing inner strength
- improve the quality of your relationships
- gain greater understanding of your purpose
- live life with your unique brand of vision
More of You
This process has no fixed idea of what you should be like and does not seek to change you into something you are not. It is successful when you have become more of who you really are. If your self-esteem is low right now, that might not seem like a good idea. Even so, I imagine there is a glimmer of hope inside that tells you that you are more than these negative impressions.
Maybe you have a sense of some hidden potential underneath these doubts?
I work with you to cultivate that potential into something you can trust and develop to live life more vibrantly and authentically.
"The Things We Do"
“In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.”
Coming Home to Self
Each and every one of us is our unique Self; that mix of characteristics that makes us who we are. When we live our lives in accordance with what James Hillman calls "The Soul's Code", we work with our realistic potential to live a more satisfying and productive life.
D.W.Winnicott speaks of the 'True Self' and the 'False Self'. We are all a combination of these two aspects. The True Self is as Hillman would say, that original acorn of who we are, our ways of expression and understanding; what makes our heart sing.
On the other hand, The False Self consists of the adaptations we have made to our True Self to fit into the expectations and difficulties of our environment. While these False Self alterations usually betray our True Self, they are, to a degree, a necessity to integrate with society at large. Compromise can be a loving and generous offering. But it is vital that it is offered from a position of mutual respect. That includes you.
When compromises are habitual or come from a need to appease others, it is usually a sign that False Self beliefs are in play. When they overrun or occlude our understanding of True Self, it is easy to see how we lose sense of what motivates us and gives us joy. We can try harder and harder to embellish the False Self in the belief that 'if I only get it right, I will be accepted and loved'. Of course, this further erodes our self-esteem. We are faking it. And we know it somewhere inside. Without a clear line to our True Self needs it is difficult to make good and healthy choices. Select your gifts of compromise with dignity. This is the path of Self-Empowerment.
"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making darkness conscious."
The primary focus of self-developmment is to become increasingly aware of who we truly are and, hopefully, celebrate that. How else can we determine what is good for us and what is resonant with our True Self? It is a process of decluttering the relationship we have with ourselves. Please forgive the technical analogy, but when a computer becomes fragmented, it's performance becomes increasingly sluggish until it can hardly operate at all.
When we are riddled with scraps of hastily-applied distorted notions of who we are, our ability to express and create is similarly clogged. It becomes difficult to identify between what is the healthy, glowing you amongst all that muddle. Some of that jumble may have served you well in the past as coping mechanisms. Does it all still have relevance as primary beliefs in the here and now? By identifying this distinction, you can make better choices as to what is your original operating system and what is fragmented and out-dated.
By being aware of the False Self modifications we have made, we are more alert to not repeat old, unhelpful patterns and form a more meaningful life and relationships of quality.
This is about your journey and exploration. This can be a wonderous discovery of what really makes you, you. We also look at what compromises you made along the way to deal with traumas, fears and needs for acceptance by others. These trade-offs may have served you in the past, but do they apply to the present? Are they still worth the cost of sealing off a part of the real you?
This is your journey into discovery of self. You choose the paths and the turnings. I am here to accompany you, walking a little behind with a lantern to help you see what benefits and pitfalls there may be. You decide.